Brad & Angelina were just some of the folks glamming it up last night. They look kinda severe. He looks weirdly tan; she's stern-looking. We should all look so bad.
The Golden Globes. Watched ’em last night. Some nice moments (J-Hud, America Ferrara, Meryl Streep, Sasha Baron Cohen’s skankily hilarious acceptance comments, and all those other charming Brits who won stuff). Few standouts (those were just mentioned).
But here’s a glance back.
Cameron Diaz: Ruffly! And not about to date Ryan Secrest.
I only caught a few moments of any of the pre-show. I turned over to E! to hear Ryan Secrest bantering with Jay Manuel and some woman about who they thought looked good. The names the usual suspects, but the woman kept asking Secrest about all the female celebs, and didn’t he think they were hot. He gushed about Cameron Diaz and how he wanted to ask her out, now that she’s single. But it seemed forced. When asked if he thought Eric Dane looked good, Secrest responded: “I’m not into that, but... Why don’t you ask Jay?” Okaaaay...
McSteamy Dane: Hot, but why so squinty-eyed, Dude?
I thought Eric Dane looked great. But kind of puffy-eyed; as if he’d smoked a spliff in the limo on his way there. Mark Wahlberg cleaned up nice, but was chewing gum like a diner waitress. Beyonce totally shimmered. That was only shiny, shiny lady. Even her skin had a shiny glow. Cate Blanchett looked shaggy and gorgeous and like she recklessly didn’t give a sh*t about any of it, but also like she was having a fabulous time.
And that’s all I saw before the actual show began!
Mark Wahlberg and his model date, Rhea Durham. Think he still wears Calvin Klein skivvies?
"Listen"--Beyonce looks golden!
Cate Blanchett: "I'm about to lose to Jennifer Hudson, but I could care less. Shag-a-delic!"
Then the actual show began, with George Clooney walking out as a manic Beyonce remix version of “One Night Only” thumped. Then, to get things started Jennifer Hudson won the award for Best Supporting Actress. Which is great; I’m happy for her. But is it freaky when a novice like Hudson beats out a veteran actress like Blanchett. Whatevs... Hudson was charmingly flustered and grateful and started off... “Oh my God! Try not to cry...” and had her great line, “You do not know what this does for my confidence.” Beyonce looked very happy for her, as did the entire crowd. She gave nice props to director Bill Condon, and just when I thought at the end she was going to give a shout-out to Jennifer Holliday, she served up some props to the Supreme who’s life story likely inspired Effie’s, Florence Ballard. Which was a nice touch.
J-HUD: "And I am telling you... Thanks!"
Then out came Justin Timberlake, rocking a simply sexy skinny suit and skinny tie. He handed out the Best Original Song trophy to Prince for a song from “Happy Feet,” which beat out Beyonce’s “Listen” from Dreamgirls. But awkwardly, Prince isn’t there. JT just mugs and laughs, and stoops down at the mic to approximate the Purple One’s small stature and accepts on his behalf. Kinda goofy; kinda cute. (Later, we learn that Prince was just stuck in traffic on his way to the show. Har! Stars: They’re just like us. Stuck in traffic.)
My dream couple of the night (if only): How fierce would it be if Mary J. and JT were, like, together?
Then comes a parade on stage which includes Adrian Grenier (looking cute) and Eva Longoria who introduce Miss Golden Globes, who’s Jack Nicholson’s daughter Lorraine. Then Jeremy Irons wins Best Supporting Actor for a TV series or TV-movie or mini-series for his work in Elizabeth I on HBO. He strides up all charming, if gaunt (and wearing a heinous tux shirt/skirt thing. But he’s dry and funny and self-deprecating (read: British). And thus begins the onslaught as British actors win all the odd obscure awards.
Tine Fey and David Spade come out to bestow the award for the “least humorous performance by a female in a TV series”—meaning the Best Actress for TV drama award. It goes to Kyra Sedgwick. She’s nice.
Then comes Naomi Watts', some scenes from Babel, and then Renee Zellweger who doesn’t something which I can’t remember. (All I do remember is her old pinched expression. Why does she always look like that?)
Jessica Biel comes out looking stunning. She’s, like, really pretty. She’s with Sean Combs (aka P. Diddy) who looks sharp. They give Prada’s Emily Blunt an award for Best Supporting Actress for a mini-series or TV movie. She’s charming, witty Brit #2 to score an award.
Emily Blunt loves her Golden Globe. Now she can relax and have a block of cheese.
And she’s followed onstage by the Heroes cast who give Hugh Laurie the Best Actor award for a TV Drama for House. And suddenly he’s the funniest, most affable and charming and witty Brit winner of the night. Guess the Hollywood Foreign Press folks just love their Brits.
Steve Carrell gives the Best Animated Film award to Cars, which is accepted by a nice, normal-looking (meaning, he’s refreshingly schlubby) animator guy.
Then last year’s Best Actor (Musical/Comedy) winner Joaquin Phoenix arrives to dole out the trophy for Best Actress, Musical/Comedy. As the nominees are announced, Annette Bening drinks and smiles, Toni Colette snags big cheers, Beyonce just looks hot, Meryl Streep looks casually regal and Renee Zellweger looks, well, puffy.
Yes, I'm classy, brassy and I rule. Go Meryl!
Meryl wins and delivers the Best Performance by a smart, classy woman receiving an award, like, ever. She’s funny, sharp and her witty speech appears to happen effortlesly. She gives nice props to her costars, the filmmakers, the studio, all of Hollwyood, and complements the very successful but difficult work her costars did of making her look “monstrous.” I’ve feeling after this breezy high point, it’s all downhill from here.
Ben Stiller then shows up and introduces a Borat clip. Elizabeth I wins for best mini-series. And Rachel Weisz comes out and presents Eddie Murphy with his Best Supporting Actor award. Everyone’s happy about this. And Murphy’s restrained and charming and grateful. But he says nothing shocking or really memorable or hilarious, which is kind of disappointing, but he comes off nicely.
Murphy's back!
Then another charming Brit wins an award for a mini-series or something. This time, it’s nice lanky Bill Nighy, rocking the coolest pair of massive black modster eyeglasses ever. (Fashion note to self: The older I get, the bigger and more trippy my eyeglasses must get.)
When I'm 64... I'll be serving this bespectacled look. Thanks, Bill!
Then America Ferrara wins for Best Actress for a TV Comedy for Ugly Betty. Which kind of rules, because she’s the most adorable person, like, ever. She’s crying.
Salma Hayek’s crying. Ferrara gushes charmingly, “I’m a mess...” and soon the entire audience is smiling through tears with her. Annette Bening’s all teary! So’s Teri Hatcher! Even Will Smith is getting watery-eyed.
America, The Beautiful.
Then, after she wins, as the show heads to commercial, there’s a weird moment where Ferrara heads off, expecting Maria Menounous to interview her. When Menounous finally acknowledges her, she says something sort of rude and awful like, “What do you have to say now to all the people who didn’ t want you to get the role in Ugly Betty?” Wha...? Ferrara’s like, “Well, I don’t know who those people are...” and sort of laughs it off. But what the hell was that about?
At this point in the show... I got distracted, got phone call and had a beer. When I come back a few awards later, Warren Beatty received his lifetime achievement award. Love the old movie clips, but he talks forever. The highlight was the nice thanks he gave his wife, Annette Bening, who should win an award for just sitting at her table and beaming gorgeously all night long.
Then Martin Scorcese wins Best Director for The Departed, and serves up a speedily eloquent thank you speech.
He’s followed by Reese Witherspoon, who’s looking really great. She looks awesome in that sort of, “You know what? I don’t need my sullen stud-puppy husband dragging me down, thanks. I rock! And I make more money than most of you acting chumps in the house tonight. Cheat on that!” kind of way. Reese is the word.
And she reads the nominees for Best Actor in a Comedy/Musical. And can I just say that Aaron Eckhart is so ridiculously golden-boy handsome (The hair! The jaw! The cleft chin! Aaaack!) it hurts.
And the award goes to Sasha Baron Cohen for Borat, who’s looking tall and slyly dapper, and who delivers the most scatalogically hilarious acceptance speech, ever. He leads off uttering the words “anus and testicles” and the speech just gets smartly raunchy from here, as he talks about his smelly, heavy male costar sitting on his face. Gack! He’s brilliant. I’m not rooting for him to win the Best Actor Oscar so that I can only hear what he’ll say on that show.
OK. This would be, like, my dream couple. What if Borat and Elle Woods hooked up. Please?
Dreamgirls then wins the Golden Globe for Best Comedy/Musical. Producer Laurence Mark jaunts up to the stage and gives big thanks to David Geffen, and all the other power-gays who made Dreamgirls possible. The music kicks in before he’s done, but I’m telling you, he’s not going. He cranks out his litany of thanks speedily.
Then, Grey’s Anatomy wins for Best Drama series. The show’s creator Shonda Rymes is glowing and fab (TR Knight is up there, onstage. Yay—go gay!). She looks super-fun. And she’s rightfully ecstatic.
Philip Seymour Hoffman then appears, looking like a young Wilford Brimley. He gives the Best Actress Drama award to Helen Mirren for The Queen. She’s totally regal and spunky all at the same time. Just yet another charming Brit who’s well-spoken, succinct and fierce.
Twice the globes. Twice the talent. Go Dame Helen!
Felicity Huffman, who looks younger than ever with killer hair, gives the Best Actor Drama award to Forest Whitaker, for The Last King of Scotland. He’s flummoxed and genuinely overwhelmed, which is nice.
Forest Whitaker: It's really good to be "King."
And then the evening wraps up with Gov. Arnold Schwarzegger wobbling out on stage on crutches to give out the award for Best Picture, Drama. Which just seems weird. And not. Politics is showbiz, right? Babel wins and the director makes cracks about “Governor Schwarzenegger, I have my papers in order. I’m legal." Which is kind of funny.
Then Ahnuld bids us all good night with a Golden Globe-y, “We’ll be back!” sign off. You just knew he was gonna say that at some point...
Just a parting shot from Sawyer & Freckles! Cheers, y'all!
See ya at the Oscars, kids!
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