The Ride: Seven Days to End AIDS

Carolyn wraps it up with her favorite poem.

I was unable to watch the episode shown last night, as I just started a class at the Groundlings Improv School.  I'm quite excited and hope to go far with these classes. 

I understand last night's episode was about riding into LA and the closing ceremonies.  There were such mixed feelings about finishing The Ride -  having all of our hard efforts come to a close.  Having to say goodbye to the family we had become accustomed to being around for seven days.  Bonds that I knew would fade with time. 

Being asked to partake in the riderless bike was an honor.  This keeps Jonathon alive.  I carried the helmet in honor of those lost to this horrible disease.  Jonathon's bike was used as the riderless bike.  I know he was there, smiling from ear to ear.

I stumbled upon the following poem in a newspaper one evening when I was a freshman in college.  I have since carried it with me everywhere I go.  It sums up every situation in life.  I feel it expresses so much and want to share it with you.  It is called After a While and is by Veronica Softshell (please forgive me if I've misspelled your last name).

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and sharing a life.
And you learn that love doesn't mean possession
And company doesn't mean security
And loneliness is universal.

And you learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open
with the grace of a woman
not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your hope on today
as tomorrow has a way of falling apart in mid-flight.
Because tomorrow's ground can be too uncertain for plans.
Yet each step taken in a new direction creates a path
Toward the promise of a brighter dawn.

And you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
So plant your own garden
and nourish your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that love, true love
always has joys and sorrows
seems ever present, yet is never quite the same
becoming more than love and less than love
so difficult to define.

And you learn that through it all
you really can endure
you really are strong
you do have value
and you learn and grow
with every goodbye
you learn.

Get out there and make a difference!  Jonathan - you are still an inspiration.
Much love...Carolyn Pon.

Nathan wraps it up and gets ready for this year.

I am so sorry to see the series come to an end… I will continue the story this year on The Ride with my new friends that I haven’t even met yet.

Now that the series is over I want to thank LOGO for having the vision to support and feature this documentary on their network. Thanks from the bottom of my heart to everyone at Stone Productions. A very special thanks to Leslie for all the hugs and Christian for capturing some of the greatest moments in my life that I could share with the world

I love you all for watching and reading… hope to see you on The Ride. Thanks for letting me share - Nathan

Nathan's last day of The Ride

The last episode is like the last day of The Ride… I really hate to see it end.  It was so great to relive the ride through this series.  One thing that was not captured on film that was so wonderful about the last day of The Ride was a surprise that every rider found on the last day of The rRde. One of our fellow riders was called “Chicken Lady”.  Chicken Lady rode in drag every day of The Ride and was very comical. On the last day of The Ride we all found a plastic Easter egg on the seat of our bikes with ALC4 on the outside and a wonderful message of encouragement on the inside with a small candy treat.  It was one of the many random acts of kindness that was displayed during this ride.

The greatest thing that I came away with from The Ride was the confidence to talk about AIDS and HIV publicly.  I have spoken at many events this year.  I have learned that I would rather people know the truth about me and if they can not accept the truth they are not worth being part of my life.

I still have not told my parents and do not want to tell them, because it would make them worry.  If they find out some other way I will deal with the fence mending at that time. They are an exception because once you’re a parent you are always a parent and it’s a different set of rules for them.

I am a whole person because of The Ride and I will be a better advocate this year when I sport my Positive Peddler flag on my bike. I still find it hard to watch the riderless bicycle... I am glad it still affects me that way, because I know that I am still human enough and my true heart has not hardened.

Thanks for letting me share and hope to see you on The Ride or contribute to a rider like me - Nathan ALC5 Rider #1210 http://www.aidslifecycle.org/1210

Jon wraps it up and plans for this year's Ride

Wow.  That's all I can say.  The documentary not only let me re-live The Ride, but it also helped me to process it.  While it's happening around you it's easy to get caught up in it and let it change you while not really knowing how or why.  I knew that when I arrived in LA I was not the same person I had been seven days earlier but couldn't really tell anyone why or how.  The only response I had for people was "It was amazing".  It was amazing and watching it on LOGO allowed me to step back and wonder at the experience - the community - the wonderful people I had met and gotten to know - the way in which my life was validated by 2000 relative strangers - the way I had come to terms with my disease. 

The documentary has put a fire under my butt about this year's ride.  It's only 50 days away and life has kept me busy enough to distract me from proper preparation.  I can not wait to push out of the Cow Palace on June 4th and set sail for LA.  I can't wait to see those familiar faces and meet those new friends I'm bound to meet.  I can't wait for the love, acceptance, and hope that those 7 short days bring.  I am so lucky to be a part of this Ride.  It has made me a better person.  It has given my life meaning where there wasn't much.  It has restored my love and compassion for life.  I can only imagine what this year has in store for me and the many I love.  Anticipation is wonderful. 

Thank you all for reading up and keeping track of me and the others writing this Blog.  Your words have been amazing and inspirational.  They constantly remind me as to why I continue to ride.  You are all with me always.  If you'd like to stay in contact with me and read more about me, please take a look at my AIDS/Lifecycle homepage.  There will be updated Blogs there as well as info about the Ride.  www.aidslifecycle.org/1300

Thank you again.

Jon

Jon reflects on The Ride and himself.

The 4th episode of The Ride was highly emotional for me.  Out of all the days on the actual ride the 6th day was my day of quiet calm serenity.  I got out of camp pretty early - earlier than most.  The first 15 miles of the ride were silent.  I left alone, knowing that friends were nearby and that I would see them at the first pit stop.  I needed some time to reflect on what I had done, what I was doing and where I was headed.  The first 15 miles was a steady uphill grade, nothing to cry about, just a slight grade in the dense fog of Lompoc.  It felt as if I was climbing into heaven.  I was quiet.  The road was quiet.  In this quieted state I wrapped my head around my disease.  Even though I had been living with it for 4 years at this point I've had no real interaction with the community at large.  The extreme impact of HIV was felt in heartache and tears, in laughter and new friends, of learning how many people were lost and how many more people had been changed by it.  Every person on the Ride has their story and mine was writing itself as I was climbing into the fog.  This was who I was.  I was a man who was going to live with HIV for the rest of my life and I could think of nothing better to do with my life than to help others who were hurting.  I wanted to stop others from making the same mistakes I've made.  I wanted to find those who had made bad choices and help them along in their living.  My silent pedaling was giving way to silent revelations.  I had just biked almost 500 miles.  I am living with an incurable disease.  I want to help others.  My empty pages were filling and I found myself on more than one occasion crying in the fog.  I met up with friends and found myself smiling.  I loved getting to know these people so well, some of whom I consider my family now.  I knew that I was going to be okay and that there would be many others around who would be willing to sacrifice so much for my safety and comfort.  The ride validated my disease.  This was the first time since I was diagnosed that I had been validated in this way.  I felt amazing.  The rest of the day flew by and before I knew it we were climbing into our tents saddened that this was the last day. 

Nathan's work with AIDS services today.

I had the most wonderful experience this weekend here in Orange County, California.  I attended an event for Aids Service Foundation – Orange County celebrating their 20th anniversary of service. The event titled “20/20 A Clear Vision for the Future” was so touching and eye opening for me.  I mentioned before that I have not lost love one or friends to AIDS or HIV.  In such contrast to my life, this event had so many memorials and people in attendance that lost love ones and friends… some in numbers that were nearly in the 100s.

This event just reinforces how ignorant I am about what has been going on since the 1980’s when this disease started its path of destruction.  Here I am, a man that is HIV positive and living a life in total denial that there was a crises going on.  It should also make everyone wonder if I am in the dark… what about the majority of main stream America.

Here we go again… I have been hit right in the face again with another reason of why I am still here.  My work is not done and I need to continue to help in every way possible.  I pledge to expand my work with Aids Service Foundation – Orange County and other organizations.

Thanks for letting me share and thanks for all the emails of encouragement - Nathan

Carolyn found a purpose that changed her life.

Last night on The Ride brought back such a swell of emotions.  The 90+ miles we did on day six were beautiful.  The coastline was calling us home.  Camping in Ventura was so close to home I could almost feel my bed. 

Even though The Ride was grueling at times, most participants I spoke to were sad to see it coming to a close.  This meant yes, showering in a real shower and sleeping in our own beds.  The flip side was we were getting ready to depart from the community we had built and the friendships we had made.  Life again was getting ready to pull us back into its routine.  Many of us didn't want the old routine, we had found purpose, a place where we were understood, a place to embrace, cry, laugh, share and even a group that understood discussion of your sore crotch.

If you can ride this year, ride.  If you can rodie this year, roadie.  If you can sponsor ten riders/roadies, sponsor them.  If you can sponsor more than ten, they will thank you.  Get involved.  It will change your life in a way you can't fathom.  You will take away from The Ride, a sense of belonging to something bigger than most people ever imagine possible. 

If you can't ride or rodie, show up on the route and cheer everyone one.  Come partake in the candlelight vigil on the night of day six.  Show your support and love.  Get involved.  Be a part.  Spread the love.

Nathan recalls Day 5 of The Ride and the lasting effect it had on him.

The Ride EPISODE 5

Day 5 was the worst day of the RIDE because I couldn’t ride… it was harder to stay behind and not participate.  I know that it was necessary because I slept the entire day… I had some type of stomach bug that knocked me off my feet.  It had to do with the change in diet.  The best consolation was to see my buddies talking at lunch about me on film.  It was so nice to see that they were actually concerned enough to have that brief conversation.

I had no idea that Caroline was not able to ride… I think she and Dan are such a great couple. Dan doesn’t say much in front of the camera, but he was so on with the comment about “when you wake up you have to live your day to the fullest because you never know what’s going to happen”.

I can only imagine how everyone felt coming in to Ventura, the last camp site of the trip.  Cher captured The RIDE so well with her symbolism about The RIDE being a series of emotions as equal to the topography map of the day.  Cher’s memories of her Dad are so touching… I am so grateful for successful medication and that my son does not have to live his life with me as a memory.

It was touching to see the guys and I sign up for ALC5 – the RIDE in 2006.  Unfortunately I am the only returning member of our group… but it will be easier this year because I have a new family with The RIDE.  I am comfortable with myself and my HIV status and have met so many new friends through this event. This event truly does break barriers and brings everyone together as one community.  It would be great if the world was like The RIDE.

The Candlelight Vigil is the most touching event for me next to the riderless bike. The candles in this ceremony represent a light of life struggling through the waves of the AIDS/HIV disease.  It is so hard to watch them get snuffed out one by one. Rick Uggen (aka Ginger Brewlay) talked about “survivors remorse” and I respect his comment that he can not allow that in his life due to the respect of the friends he lost. I have not lost any friends or loved ones to this disease and that is why I still have the guilt of survivors remorse.  It a good thing for me because it acts as a fuel or my driving force that makes me want to give back to the community. My body is very strong and has responded very well to medication.  When I started medication in 1996 my viral load was nearly 166,000 and my T-cell count was 18. This is considered extremely high and if not full blown AIDS close to it. Within the first year on medication my viral load became undetectable and my T-cell count continued to grow rapidly.  Today I am still undetectable and my T-Cell count is over 700.

I will continue to do the RIDE and give back to the community as long as there is a need.  I just need to stay focused that the most important people in my life are my wife and son.  As long as I can give back and give them equal time everything will work for the best.

Thanks for letting me share and thanks for all the emails of encouragement - Nathan

Jon gets in some training (and tanning!) between downpours

It's still raining!  I found some time last week to get on my bike, even lead a training ride two weeks ago, but the weather just doesn't seem to want to cooperate with me.  I'm not too worried about not finishing the Ride in June, I'm just concerned about how comfortable I'll be during the process.  It's a good thing I've got a couple months left.  I suppose I should get cracking with my fundraising as well. 

On a side note, the little bit of biking tan I've recieved this year has just been obliterated by the tanning bed - take that ugly white lines all over my body.  I did burn just a bit and at this very moment I'm scratching my tummy - it's a little red and itchy. 

Hope to get some riding in this weekend, and if the weather holds out possibly even two days in a row.  Since we turn the clocks ahead this Saturday, I'll be able to get on my bike before I have to work during the day, allowing my training to grow a bit.  I need to get some muscle back on these shaved legs.

Jon gets short, sporty and utterly fabulous for Red Dress Day

Nothing I read or heard about Red Dress Day could have prepared me for what I experienced.  The gays are known for their creativity and general lack of what others will think.  This deadly combination gave way to outrageous outfits and over-the-top personalities.  I even found myself uping my "gay factor", doing more high kicks and swishing a bit more in my sporty red number. 

On a side note it's somewhat amusing watching the documentary get nearer to the end of The Ride.  I remember that days 4 and 5 I was actually trying to avoid the cameras in order to have a more "real" experience.  As you watch the show you see less and less of me as the week goes on.  I can imagine how frustrating it was for the producers now.  Sorry Brigid!

My favorite part of Red Dress Day was the dance party in Casmalia.  This town is small.  Super small.  They opened up their arms and welcomed us.  Did you know that Casmalia School System (all 30 kids) changed their school year so that they would still be in school when we roll through?  They are there to encorage us, love us, and change us - while we do the same for them.  It's safe to say that those kids will not grow up to hate gay people or people living with HIV.  This day was by far the most carefree and fun day.  As you could see in the documentary everyone was a smiling more, a little friendlier, and more willing to let go and be stupid.  I remember just laughing all day - not caring how long it took me to get into camp.  In fact this day was the day of our "Happy Train". We had 8 or so people in a group and everytime we stopped at a stop sign or stop light and started rolling again we had to count off, from one to however many we had at that moment, all the while singing songs and carrying on.  There were moements of pure sadness through out The Ride, of thoughts of who we lost and why we're riding, and then there are silly thoughts and moments.  This balance is esential for sanity and mental health and I was glad to partake all the while in a short, sporty, utterly fabulous red dress.